Today was such a therapy session while driving for Lyft. I mean, it’s just amazing to me the people I have met. They really touched me, specifically Khristina and Elizabeth.
Khristina is a professional wrester from Japan by way of New Jersey. After a three year relationship, she was happily engaged when it all fell apart, and so to mend her broken heart, her high school bestie invited her to come visit him in Japan, and so she did, renting a bike and a tent and cycling from North Japan to South Japan. “Little old women would give me bread and fruits, I would sleep under bridges and on the side of the road, crying the whole while. It was crazy and therapeutic, and by day 20, I was happy I was there.”
Three months turned into six years, and she stayed by finding work as an English teacher, and somehow, someway transitioned into wrestling. She found Japanese people “difficult to connect with” yet still tried dating, having two relationships that didn’t work but still proved to be a learning experience.
A casual invitation to a party lead her to her now finance, a beautiful Norwegian woman with whom she has found her forever home and heart.
Christian said that every relationship has proven to teach her something, although in the beginning of the break up it’s hard to see that. Pondering this, I realize something: it’s going to the movies. If you happen to sit in the front row, you can’t see the screen too well. I mean, you get the gist of what’s happening, but you don’t get the perspective you would from stepping back.
I wanted to know about her relationship and how long it took her to heal so that I could have a comparison for my own relationship fail. Khristina said that she can tell I deserve someone who will make concessions for me and not compartmentalize everything. “Not meeting your children after three years is absolutely ridiculous,” and I agree but I also know that I kind of ALLOWED it to happen because I said we could keep things separate. I told him that we could keep us just us and the kids just the kids, the two didn’t need to meet. Same with travel. I told him he could travel and do his thing and like a good, docile little woman, I didn’t say anything, I held my tongue, afraid to rock the boat because I knew it would piss him off. What I didn’t think about was WHY it would piss him off. It would piss him off because he KNOWS he should be taking me, or at least asking me! But no. He wouldn’t. He didn’t. Again, my bad for letting his treat me this way. We’ve all heard that saying right, ‘people will treat you the way that you let them.’
And it was this sentiment that was echoed by Elizabeth, a very pretty 28-year-old Jennifer Garner look alike but with blue eyes. Married for three years she and I initially talked about kids and siblings, how her brother, “would torture her by having her Barbies walk perilously along a cliff and then fall to their deaths.” She asked if my boys would do things like that, and I said no, they really get along, nothing physical, more love than dislike. She asked if I wanted a girl and I said of course I would love to, but being that I don’t have a man and am 45-years-old, I don’t think it’s happening.
“Oh, you don’t know that. This is the time when your body is like, hey girl, I could be dropping more than one egg because the end is near and that’s when you have twins!” I laughed. She goes on, “And they’ll be twin boys by the way, just so you know.” I laugh harder, “So then I can’t even name them Elizabeth!” Now we both laugh.
She checks her phone, “God I hope my husband made dinner, but I”m sure he didn’t. I just talked to him, and he annoyed me. But I love him, I’ll tell you,you can have the relationship that you think you can’t have, it can happen and will happen when you least expect it. My last boyfriend was a sociopath and this guy I’m married to now, I’m so happy I met him because he allows me to be the best version of my self in work and outside of work, just me, because I know that I have his support and love and encouragement at home.”
At this point, we had driven from Venice to West Los Angeles, and were sitting in my car in front of her house, engine off, talking like girlfriends about our relationships. It blows my mind and immediately set me to tears as I drove home that there are people out there who are so damn kind, people who don’t even know me, complete strangers that believe in me, and are rooting for me. And then I think about all the events that lead to THIS particular person being in my car, like all the events that transpired for Lyft to designate THIS person to be in my car, and for me to get my heartbroken ass out of bed where I was binge watching The Handmaid’s Tale to start driving, even though I really didn’t want to.
Right now it seems so impossible to meet anyone who will meet the qualities about Christopher that I loved, let alone surpass him. To meet a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to love or be loved in return. I can’t imagine anyone replacing him, so high is the pedestal I’ve placed him on, despite it not being reciprocated. I don’t know what I’m holding on to. I guess I am just sentimental and loyal. I believe in romance. But I have to remember who I am, a mother, a lover, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and auntie. I just really need and want to be appreciated and valued in the way that I appreciate and value my partner. I give everything. Chris didn’t. And he knew that and said “it’s hard to be with someone who is giving you their all and you don’t give it back.” And why you ask didn’t he give it back? He just couldn’t. He wasn’t capable. I like to think he’s like a man in a wheelchair whose legs are weak. He could find a way to stand up and see me eye to eye, meet me halfway, but instead he stays in the chair, unable, unwilling to rise.